Clutural Ignorance

Wow peeps, it’s been a while.  This work/study/single mother malarkey has got me on lock.  Barely getting time to sleep let alone blog.  Today, however, I am in the midst of another assignment and need an outlet to unwind a little and improve the thinking process.  So an update on the latest dating progress seems appropriate.

A few weeks ago, whilst reading a magazine and waiting for my train in WH Smith, like you do, a smartly dressed man in his early to mid 30's approached me and tried to catch my attention.  Mean while, I'm deep in the midst of why Katie Price is feuding with Pete over their kids and singing along to 'Got a long way to go' (mentally I might add here.  I'm not one of those, I think I'm singing in the shower, but forgot I'm actually in public, kind of singers).  After a breif and polite conversation, I throw caution to the wind and let him take my number, before running off to catch my train. 

A few further short telephone conversations later, and Niger O, as we shall call him, has offered to take me out to the museum the follwing Saturday.  He then calls me one night after 9 pm on a Tuesday to confirm our date for Saturday.  Now, at that moment, I was in the middle of completing an assignment, and told him so, but Niger O didn't get the hint that I was busy.  Instead, he proceeded to sound surprised that I was in education.  I explained that I was merely in the process of gaining a technical qualification to become certified in the profession that I had already been doing for the past 6 years, when me made his second 'noise' of surprise.  I say noise, as I'm not sure what it was.  Just some shocked whimper or drawing of breath.  A little annoying at the least, but little did I know, that wasn't the last time I was going to hear it.  The sound materialised again when he realised what I actually did for a living, to which he added, 'I'd have never guessed that you did that.'  'No?' I say.  'No.  It wouldn't even have been in the top three things I would of thought you'd do?' he responded.  'Oh, so what did you think I did?  Or what where the top three you thought of?' I say.  Now comes the back tracking, 'Well, I, I, I,I ............I'm not sure I should say.  I'll save it for Saturday (our date).'  What does that mean?  Well, to me it was obvious that he didn't think that I was well educated.  In fact, I'd almost lay money on the fact that  he thought I was either in some form of casual retail or hair and beauty.  No offence to anyone in those genres, but I'm a grown ass woman.  Shop assistantl!!  As a full time career position?  I'd better be running Top Shop alongside Mr Green!

Yet the ignorance didn't stop there.  He then went on to comment on how 'well spoken I was', before asking where my parents were from.  On the mere mention of Jamaica, he came out with the stereotypical assumption that all Jamaicans are 'aggressive' and topped it off with, 'Did you know you all come from Nigeria!  That is where your aggression comes from'.  Errr...mate, are you taking the piss?  First you insult me by thinking that I'm uneducated, then you generalise me and my people as uncooth and agreesive and now your giving me a history lesson!!!  I had to bite my metathorical tongue so hard it hurt, but not hard enough to prevent me from correcting all his ignorant genaralisations.  Only, less than a minute into it, the phone goes dead.  Did Niger O just cut me off!!!  Pissed.  Who the fuck do you think you are?  Not interested in actual facts regarding Jamacian culture and history, no?  I guess not, as you've already cast your sterotype and are quite happy to live out your days believing it.  How dare a young Jamacia girl try and correct you!  Niger O, don't let my erudite Jamaican wrath rebuke you!  Good riddens to bad rubbish I thought.  I've got an assignment to complete.

You would have thought that that would have been the last time I heard from him, but noooooo.  Three days later, Niger O has the ordacity to call and text 2/3 times for the day and leave a voicemail to check that we're still on for Saturday.  Needless to say, I didn't return his calls to which then sent me a text to offer to send me some Credit!!!!  I then got caught out answering it the following day (Berry playing up and not storing all my contacts).  I simply made my excuses and terminated the call.  However, Niger O has not been discouraged, as he still calls me to this day to get that date!  It was almost a month ago.  Take a hint Niger O, your thick skin and cultural ignorance won't win you any points with me, or any other woman for the matter.  I think its about time you educated yourself.

The Lure of Internet Dating

OK, so I caved. I said I wasn't going to partake in Internet dating, and low and behold, I've been enticed to renew by an email for a real hottie. These sites knew what they were doing when they restricted the viewing of emails to members only.

Now, we see the ads for these sites all over the TV, press, Internet and tube stations, promoting the opportunity to meet like for like people and in some cases, your 'soul mate'. Now call me a cynic, but from the profiles I've seen and the people I've spoken to so far, I'd consider this false advertisement. My Gypsy date being the perfect example, as by no means have I ever not had a fixed address. That said they do provide an easy way to meet a wide range of people. So despite my reservations, my ever optimistic overview has taken a hold and I am now the sheepish member of not one, but TWO dating sites!!! (Note to Self: Learn to control that love of a bargain girl. A discount membership does not mean a cheap ticket to love).

So far, I have exchanged a number of emails with a few attractive men, who to date, seem to be pretty normal. There is, however, one rather tall, dark and muscular guy in particular that I've been speaking, to who has offered his number as an invite to take our nuclear relationship off site. OK, I thought. The Rules teach us to let men actively pursue you and bring any Internet based relationship in to the real world at the earliest opportunity. So with this in mind, I texted him to see how his weekend was panning out and more importantly, to give him the means to call me, as we all know Rules Girls don't call. Now this dude must have been waiting by the phone for me to call, as no sooner had I sent the text, my phone rang. Innocently, I didn't make the connection as the voice on the other end of the line was rather high pitched and thick. Yes that's right, THICK!!! This dude was FFB!(Fresh From Boat). How the HELL did I miss that? He certainly missed that part out when completing his profile. However, thinking back his messages were always pretty short and sweet. Any ho, struggling to get over the David Beckham affect, I managed to hear him babble something about how much he loved the gym and that he was currently working as a Psychiatric Nurse. He then went on to tell me about his recent 'promotion' that had meant a transfer to a medium security facility just outside of London. Hmmmm. Psychiatric Nurse! Medium security facility! Promotion! Is it me, or does this all sound like a good reason to switch off, because that is exactly what I did. Just as he was trying to convince me that he's not the cheating type and that he was ready to settled down and have some kids, (Good for you I say and swiftly end the call. Hopefully, he won't call back.

Never guess who got on my empty tube and sat 2 unoccupied seats from me yesterday morning? None other than Bragging Jerry! (Jerry curl date - 1st Date -The Gypsey select the link to read up if your out the loop).  Having not responded to any of his attempts to contact me after our disastrous date this could have been a very awkward moment. I'm sure he clocked me the minute he stepped on the tube, but tried to wait for me to look up from my Sudoku to catch my attention. Only, seeing as I had also clocked him early on, I made a point of keeping my headphones on and my head straight. That didn't deter him. You know this dude had the nerve to tap me and make small talk like we were old friends that had lost touch! Can't you see I'm busy BLANKING YOU! Well at least he had enough manners to apologise for our date. He also commented that he wasn't surprise not to get a response to the post date email he sent, as it was a little 'fuzzy'? What does that mean? Sorry Jerry, you were mistaken. It was a cold, hard snub from me. No fuzz. In the interest of entertainment and good manners, I kept the covo light, before returning to my Sudoku and the soothing tones of Miss E Badu. I think this time he got the message.

P.S. I can breathe a sigh of relief. His daytime suited and booted look, which is how I met him, did not include the Jerry Curl. I've been asking myself ever since our date how I could have been so un observant to have missed that.

1st Date - The Gypsy

First date.  Done.  Was he as expected?  No.  Was he my type?  No.  Was he at least good looking, charming and entertaining?  I wish.  That said, he was pleasant.  Sorry, but that's all I got.  Had I realised this when I was waiting 30 minutes for him to arrive, I doubt I would have stayed.  Tell a lie, I would of waited.  However, I definitely had better things to do with my Friday night, and sitting like a loner, clutching a glass of red as I completed the Metro Sudoku in the middle of a busy bar wasn't one of them.

Not only did my date arrive late, but he didn't look as if he'd made much effort.  Unshaven and casually dressed in ripped jeans and tired Converse (both traits I hate I might add, as it doesn't take much to make an impression).  Despite this he managed to scrape together a decent enough conversation to get us through one drink and off to dinner.  As recommended by The Rules, I left the planning to him, so had no idea where we were heading.  By the initial sound of it, neither did he, as he suggested that we head to South Bank to walk along the parade and choose from one of the many restaurants there.  'Just let me know when you see one you like', he said.  OK I thought, I can run with this.  Oooo....Ping Pong.  'That looks nice', I say.  Silence.  We keep walking.  Clearly, he didn't think I was worth Ping Pong money.  Cheek.  Instead we ended up in cheap and cheerful Wagamamas.  Now, I love a bit of Thai fusion, but Wags!  For a DINNER DATE!!!  Might as well have taken me to Nandos.  From here the date just got worse.  He slated his ex over dinner and proceeded to tell me, in a round about way, that he had NO FIXED ABODE!!!!  Yes, that's right Ladies.  I was on a date with a Gypsy.  Seems he split from the mother of his children over 6 months ago and has been sleeping wherever he can lay his head ever since.  This includes his car and place of work.  Not sure about you, but my first thought was, 'I hope this man's not looking for a London address from me!!'.  I mean, how can you be this whatless at the age of 32?  More to the point, what are you doing out on a date with me?  Don't you have a home to find? 

So you see, being on time isn't all its cracked up to be.  Both times, yes I said it, BOTH times I've been on time for a date they've been a complete waste of time.  The first one because he turned up 40 mins late in a full 70's ensemble, complete with shiny nylon shirt, flares and juicy jerry curl to boot.  Not only did he then proceed to spend the entire night bragging about his past modelling days, current clubbing days and privileged Swiss upbringing, but he then went on to tell me not to watch what he ordered, as he ate before he came out.  WTF.  We arranged to go to DINNER!!!  Even then, he only ordered something because the couple on the table next to us offered us a 2 for 1 voucher.  Tight arse.  The icing on the cake was getting my car locked in the multi storey car park overnight because Bragger Jerry here couldn't shut up and pay the bill fast enough.  What a nightmare!  Where do I find these men?  I must say, little reminders such as these give me the motivation and strength to follow through with these rigid rules.  Hopefully, they'll save me a few Friday nights.  Even just the one, would be worth the cost of the book.

Tonights the Night

Before I run through an update on my foetal love life, I thought I'd share a little experience with you.  Last night, and completely out of the ordinary, I managed to get a seat on the ever over crowded jubilee line (tube). Both Men and women were willingly moving out the way to allow me to access the front of the carriage, where one lone chair remained. Sitting comfortably in my seat, I realised I wasn't so comfortable after all.  There was me thinking that us Londoners don't deserve the harsh, mean reputation we've managed to bag, when it hit me.  The SMELL~~~~   The dude next to me had just let go of what smelt like the entire contents of his bowels in wind form. To say I was stuck for words is irrelevant, as I was more importantly struggling for air!!! From the smirking, well mannered passengers, I could tell that the look on my face revealed that I was now wise to the reason the seat was empty . That'll teach me to have high standards on the tube. Should have settled for the cramped nook under the overly friendly Ukrainian's armpit.  At least there I could breath.

The count down to the first date begins. He has emailed me to confirm again for tonight, and to apologise for not being able to 'go on some heavy clubbing night', as he now had an early start the next morning.  I thought we were just going on a casual first date, not preparing to paint the town Red.  It seems that he was worried that I'd think he was boring for keeping me out all hours.  I reassured him it was fine.  As little did he know, I'd already planned to end the date after 3/4 hours (The Rules) and make it home in time to see Hustle.  I loves me some Adrian Lester :-)x

Now, having meet my date online, I feel I need to refresh myself with his profile (likes, dislikes, interests etc) or order to have enough ammo for some Light conversation.  E&S advise that at all costs that I avoid all talk of my past relationships, my daughter, my emotions and his future intentions.  Damn you rules.  I feel like I've got a tonne of home work to do before I even meet this guy!  Also, it might be wise to quickly refresh myself on The Rules.  Damn it!!!  FORGOT MY BOOK!!!  Girls, I'm going in blind.

P.S.  I've also just noticed a ladder in my tights.  Please don't let this be a sign of the evening to come!

A Countdown to the 1st Date

At lunch earlier this week I updated a male friend on my current quest to master and test The Rules.   However, despite E&S's assurance that men like and respect these rules, his response was a complete contradiction.  In short he said;

'So they tell you to treat them (men) like shit and they'll love you?'

His reaction kind of wrapped up my initial interpretation of The Rules, although my language wasn't quite as colourful.  Being a man he thought the whole concept was laughable, but agreed to follow my progress purely for entertainment purposes.  As a note to all men, don't take it personal.   

Finally managed to bag a date for the weekend.  Yea!!!  Whoop Whoop!  As per the rules, I didn't instigate the meeting or conversation.  I didn't respond to every email and message and those I did respond to were equally timed to show I wasn't sitting around waiting for him to call or message me.  I politely declined any spare of the moment meetings and patiently waited for him to request one in advance.  Although I think I may have cheated a little when I mentioned that I'd be open to something later in the week. :-s  Any ho....he still set the date and confirmed with 4 days notice, and contacted me to reconfirm our plans the day before.  All played accoridng to the rules.  Well done you. 

The whole process only took a matter of days, but I'd be lying if I didn't say that it was positively hard work.  I seriously had to show restraint. After a year of teaching myself to be more upfront and active in my love life, I'm now having to learn to be tactically passive.   What is this, a game of battleships.  Each of us throwing missles in a blind hope to 'take the other down'? (all puns intended :-) )  Soooo much harder than I thought.  Apparently, in this game, it doesn't pay to be the leader by any means.  Instead I'm having to think about every move I make and every conversation I have, with a lot of it not coming so naturally.  I'm such a 'fly by the seat of my pants' kinda gal.  All this planning and rethinking it tiring.  For example, not answering all their questions!  So what, I just blank him.  Look him in the face and say...nothing!  Ummm...don't know about you, but I'd get pretty pissed, pretty quickly if the person I was talking to kept blanking me mind converstaion.  Apparently this is supposed to allow you to keep an air of mystery about you.  Of course it does, he'll be off after the first 30 mins so EVERYTHING about you will be a mystery.  Just not one he'd care to discover.  Good job I'm a quick thinkier.  I can see me getting quite creative this weekend.

Despite the urge to tell him when and where to meet and where I wanted to go, I'm letting him surprise me.  What a mistake.  Seeing as we are meeting after work, he has arranged for us to meet at 5.30 pm!!!  Man, I told the man I finished work at 5!  No time to go home and change, so needed to ensure that I wore an outfit that I can easily convert to date wear, and ensure that he doesn't keep me out too late.  That said, his list of events for the night have so far included, pre dinner drinks, dinner, more drinks up town followed by a further bar or club.  Mate, I don't know about you, but I'd need to go home and 'hol a fresh' before all that!  Well, lets see how it goes.  The count down has now begun

Dating in 2011 - The New Form and Rules: Preparing for The Rules: - Point 1 - Pass, Point 2 - Total Fail

Dating in 2011 - The New Form and Rules: Preparing for The Rules: - Point 1 - Pass, Point 2 - Total Fail

Preparing for The Rules: - Point 1 - Pass, Point 2 - Total Fail

Since finishing the The Rules on Thursday, I have been making a concerted effort to stick to them.  I've not initiated any conversations with men, I have not called any and I have made at least one social plan for the week to get me out there meeting new people.  However, after my over zealous preparation for The Rules,, I've fallen at the first hurdle and put myself out the game.

What have you done, I hear you say?  Running.  Who would have thought it would be that painful.  Ellen and Sherrie (E&S: The Complete Book of Rules) tell you to 'be the best you can be'.  In short, go to the gym, loose those stubborn extra pounds, or in my case get started on them, and tart yourself up for every occasion.  Men are visual, so to attract them, you've got to pull out your A game and make it your only game.  Now, I'm not an exercise phob, nor am I adverse to taking care of myself, but they've openly implied that I might be single because I a) lacked vanity and b) didn't look good enough!!  Cough, cough....How dare you, I'm a cutie if ever I saw one, and at the last count, vanity wasn't a positive character trait by any standards.  Whatever happened to finding a man to love you despite your flaws?   According to E&S, this just isn't going to happen.  Their message; 'Look good, get attention, get married'.  Period.  Damn!  What a reality check.  So much for being the pretty big girl with the cracking personality.  Apparently those women don't get married.  No more 'off Days' for me.

By the by, if I say I'm going to do something, I go all out.  I've said I'm going to do The Rules and that's exactly what I'm going to do.  How else am I truly going to put The Rules to the test.  In true Mysty fashion, I've even signed up to complete a 5k run in March just to give myself to give myself a physical target.  What was I thinking?  I can't run.  I get breathless running up the stairs.  I must have mentioned my apprehension to an one of the girls at work, who happens to be an avid long distance runner and as such, felt it her place to give me some well conditioned advise on a suitable training plan to graduate me from a complete novice to tribal running queen.  Her words were,

'start with a mile a week, increase this by a mile a week, then double it at the end.  If your still a little short of your 5k target, don't worry, on the day you'll still make it.  It'll be easy'. 

Is this chick for real!  Does she want me to develop asthma?  If running was as easy as that, wouldn't we all be doing it?  In hindsite I can seriously see something wrong with this picture, but at the time I was fully charged with her positive words.  So the following morning, like a naive child eager to grow up, I power walked the 1.08 mile journey to The Lady's school in record time, before running the same distance over the hill and back home, (The Lady being my daughter).  Not far I hear you say.  'That's easy'.  You know, I would probably agree, if it wasn't the first time I was doing any running since leaving school some thirteen years ago!  My tights were on FIRE!!!  This was all on 2 hours sleep, following a catering gig in the early hours of the morning, so to say I was beat, was an under statement.  I had finally realised what it felt like to feel OLD, and it hurt (shudder).
Later that night I was meant to meet friends for a night out at a lush Casino Royal night in South Kensington.  Perfect opportunity to get dressed up and work the room, practising my rules.  However, when it got to about 5 pm, I was so tired I couldn't even walk to the local shopping center, let alone manage to schmooze all night at a plush do. We were also meant to attend a friend's house party across the other side of London.  Desperate and aching, I had to bail.  Sorry Ellen and Sherrie, but this time, I couldn't force myself to go out, even if I didn't feel like it (another prep rule).  It just wasn't physically possible.  Thankfully, The Lady's Godmother has been a god send and still offered to keep her over night to give me some well deserved time off.  Did I use it productively?  Well of course.  Take out, wine and my fav show - Check.  Hot bath - Check.  Fresh Satin Sheets - check.  Painted toe nails and fingers - Check.  What else does a girl need. 

I'll be back on the rules tomorrow and will start planning a new social event for the week.  First things first, my second run.  No hills this time though.  Bring on the pain...Ggrrrrr!