What have you done, I hear you say? Running. Who would have thought it would be that painful. Ellen and Sherrie (E&S: The Complete Book of Rules) tell you to 'be the best you can be'. In short, go to the gym, loose those stubborn extra pounds, or in my case get started on them, and tart yourself up for every occasion. Men are visual, so to attract them, you've got to pull out your A game and make it your only game. Now, I'm not an exercise phob, nor am I adverse to taking care of myself, but they've openly implied that I might be single because I a) lacked vanity and b) didn't look good enough!! Cough, cough....How dare you, I'm a cutie if ever I saw one, and at the last count, vanity wasn't a positive character trait by any standards. Whatever happened to finding a man to love you despite your flaws? According to E&S, this just isn't going to happen. Their message; 'Look good, get attention, get married'. Period. Damn! What a reality check. So much for being the pretty big girl with the cracking personality. Apparently those women don't get married. No more 'off Days' for me.
By the by, if I say I'm going to do something, I go all out. I've said I'm going to do The Rules and that's exactly what I'm going to do. How else am I truly going to put The Rules to the test. In true Mysty fashion, I've even signed up to complete a 5k run in March just to give myself to give myself a physical target. What was I thinking? I can't run. I get breathless running up the stairs. I must have mentioned my apprehension to an one of the girls at work, who happens to be an avid long distance runner and as such, felt it her place to give me some well conditioned advise on a suitable training plan to graduate me from a complete novice to tribal running queen. Her words were,
'start with a mile a week, increase this by a mile a week, then double it at the end. If your still a little short of your 5k target, don't worry, on the day you'll still make it. It'll be easy'.Is this chick for real! Does she want me to develop asthma? If running was as easy as that, wouldn't we all be doing it? In hindsite I can seriously see something wrong with this picture, but at the time I was fully charged with her positive words. So the following morning, like a naive child eager to grow up, I power walked the 1.08 mile journey to The Lady's school in record time, before running the same distance over the hill and back home, (The Lady being my daughter). Not far I hear you say. 'That's easy'. You know, I would probably agree, if it wasn't the first time I was doing any running since leaving school some thirteen years ago! My tights were on FIRE!!! This was all on 2 hours sleep, following a catering gig in the early hours of the morning, so to say I was beat, was an under statement. I had finally realised what it felt like to feel OLD, and it hurt (shudder).
Later that night I was meant to meet friends for a night out at a lush Casino Royal night in South Kensington. Perfect opportunity to get dressed up and work the room, practising my rules. However, when it got to about 5 pm, I was so tired I couldn't even walk to the local shopping center, let alone manage to schmooze all night at a plush do. We were also meant to attend a friend's house party across the other side of London. Desperate and aching, I had to bail. Sorry Ellen and Sherrie, but this time, I couldn't force myself to go out, even if I didn't feel like it (another prep rule). It just wasn't physically possible. Thankfully, The Lady's Godmother has been a god send and still offered to keep her over night to give me some well deserved time off. Did I use it productively? Well of course. Take out, wine and my fav show - Check. Hot bath - Check. Fresh Satin Sheets - check. Painted toe nails and fingers - Check. What else does a girl need.
I'll be back on the rules tomorrow and will start planning a new social event for the week. First things first, my second run. No hills this time though. Bring on the pain...Ggrrrrr!
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